How much time will I get to work today? There are days that I can’t get the time in to do the thing I love to do the most paint, and boy do I resent it. It is because once I move away from painting, and into another mode of thinking my “artistic flow” has been disrupted, and horror of horrors I might not be able to retrieve it. It is this continuity of creating that I love, and fear. Fear because this artistic voyage may disappear, may vanish, never to be experienced again. I had a friend who just stopped painting after years of gorgeous productive work. He said one day it just stopped. “It” being that need to create, that passion to paint. He left his studio, and that was it. He never picked up the brush again. His reminder is like an echo in the distance that things can change, that I might not be able to paint again if I stop if even for a day.

Not all artists after being away days, or even hours can easily tap back into that creative place. I would venture a guess, and presume most need time to settle in. In my own creative world I allow time to get comfortable after being away. I allow much needed time to refocus before I paint. I may pour fresh paint, clean my work area, do some required art related business, settle in with a favorite art book etc. before I begin to work. It is a time well spent before I make the first brush stroke. It can be like slipping into a comfortable pair of shoes, finding your favorite painting brush, putting on that old work shirt. I love the way my artistic self moves through me, and readies me for the work at hand. It is a feeling I would never want to lose. I understand the occasional disruption, but will always look forward to a full day of work. It is with much appreciation that I am here ready to begin again.

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It is a treasure to lust for. A new shipment of art supplies has arrived.

The boxes sit stacked leaning against the wall. I have yet to open them. I know in those boxes is a world of creation. This feeling of joy and expectation happens every time. It is that moment of truth. What will I bring this time? What will come out? I don’t know a painter around that doesn’t stand in front of a clean white surface, and pause if just for a moment. It is in that moment that the universe opens up to us if we let it.  It can be like standing on the edge of this vastness and deciding to jump.

The best abstract painters come with the idea that the approach is to let who we are go. We are at our best when we can strip ourselves down to our core. I believe what remains becomes the conduit for transcendence to our higher self. Certainly we absorb our world around us, and we are a compilation of that good, or bad. It is what is underneath that lives with us. It is what is underneath that matters.  We are layers, as in prayer, or meditation, or in those quiet moments when we feel that expansion of a higher consciousness. We don’t lose ourselves as much as we expand. Granted, these are pretty lofty ideas when in reality all we are doing is mark making. It can be a romantic notion that we can delve deep, and find that essence, that magic, that mystery that is us, that when we create it comes from this sacred place.

The boxes contain a world of possibilities. Can I let myself go enough to create something without intent, without constraints?  Can I dig deep, and paint with complete freedom, and abandon knowing it is me? Time to jump in.

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Artists are often stereotyped as sensitive, compassionate, creative types. They are also often tagged with the possibility of madness. (We love you Vincent, but you certainly left us with some big time labels.) Thankfully over time we have come to appreciate Van Gogh’s very personal crisis as his own, and not necessarily a reflection of the entire artist community. We do, however, continue to view the artist as an explorer of history. Paintings are frequently a window to the time. I believe this last year has been one of extreme political upheaval, and concern for any thoughtful person, any thoughtful artist. I am one such artist.

Abstract painters have this wonderful freedom to express what they want from the very core of who they are. Picasso has been credited with a wonderful quote “it has taken me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child”. Abstract painters are at their best when they paint from their gut. Yes, there is importance to composition, balance, and line. However, it is the story of a  painting that holds us, and gives it weight, and magic. Abstract painting let’s us tell a story. It can carry it deep within ourselves if we allow it.

Once my website was up, and running this year. I knew the blog was next. It has taken well into this year to understand fully what this year has meant to me. Often I would find myself in front of a blank canvas ready to paint trying to shake off feelings of anger, and disappointment at our political world. I would start with the weight of these feelings, and after some time what would emerge on the canvas was a mix of reality, and hope. Hope for me is a direction, a purpose, a destination filled with optimism for something better.  I understand now that my paintings are a reconciliation of these two conflicting emotions. What I have presented thus far for paintings in 2017 is the story of reality, and hope. A reality of confusing, and bombastic rhetoric coming from our leaders, and my personal truth that we cannot live without direction, without hope.

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Photography by Acacia Carr, 2016.

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